oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
