i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The air was thick with penises
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
NoShamevember. You game?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
