My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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