apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So many bounce houses so little time
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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