u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
