i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
