epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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