The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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