my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
