you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
