I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Floor bacon is actually really good
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
