whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
