you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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