What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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