You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
