Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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