i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
