Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
