Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
