Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
