If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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