I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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