finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
