Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
