I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
