Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
