Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
