im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
