so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Couch. On fire.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
