I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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