this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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