I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
