I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
