I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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