so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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