she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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