I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
