We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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