can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
