Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
