It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
