i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
