last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
