Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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