life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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