Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
