What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
