there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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