smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
