I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
