Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
