i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
