after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
